The question: how child not to grow an egoist?
Monday, March 13, 2017
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Already the one-year-old begins to gradually "separate" from the mother, and by three years this need for independence is culminating.
A three-year-old can already be very offended by the attitude of adults towards him, as if he were a child. It is this most appropriate age for, if it is not already done, to teach him greater independence. The missed moment will result in years of life with a spoiled, capricious and selfish despot, who seems to have the whole world spinning around him.
Where do the little egoists come from?
Often - from excessive love and care. We indulge every whim of a baby and we hasten to fulfill any of his whims. A toy for which a crumb will show a finger, the most tasty pieces, the fulfillment of any requests "give-bring." Of course, the baby enters the taste and "sits down on our neck."
The reasons for this behavior are several adults
Praise is expensive
Fearing to develop complexes in the child, we sometimes excessively "praise" our child, alone and in public. But it is very easy to cross the invisible border and instead of self-confident and self-reliant person to grow up an idle and self-love. To praise too it is necessary to be able. It is important to praise not only the child ("you have the best"), but also the result of his work ("I really like the picture you drew"). In this case, the child will grow up to be a self-sufficient person: he will not have complexes, that he is "loved for the result", while incentives to strive for this result will be enough.
End justifies the means?
Another mistake parents - an attempt to realize their own ambitions and desires in the child. So, having set ourselves the goal of growing a small genius, we are ready to liberate a beloved child from everything else, "distracting" from a given direction, for example, help with housework. If only my child would study perfectly, strive for Olympic records in the sports section, it became the second Mozart. But in response, the child throws lessons, training, scales, preferring to spend time in front of the TV or with friends. He himself is much more interesting than other forms of creativity, but we do not guess to ask him which ones - but only reproach us for selfishness and inattention.
Prepayment is inappropriate
Faced with the selfish unwillingness of a child to do something or follow certain rules, some parents try to interest the child financially: "learn the rhyme - you will get a chocolate bar", "brush your teeth - you will look cartoon". It does not matter whether the parents pay for the work done or help around the house with things or pleasures. In any case, this is a dangerous path. Soon the child without a "prepayment" and the step will not step, but the changes for the better in his character will not happen. After all, with pleasure and pleasure, a person is engaged only in the fact that he really is interested in what fascinates him. Work only "for the sake of something" does not bring creative satisfaction and is always carried out "from under the stick." It is important to interest the kid, instill in him enthusiasm in other, intangible ways. For example, turn a tedious and routine cleaning into a game.
Vaccination from selfishness
Mom is also a man
Talk with your baby about your own feelings and experiences. Tell us that you are tired at work (be sure to explain why) and therefore can not fulfill this or that request of the child.
The kid does not need details, but he needs an understanding of the situation: the mother has the right to own experiences, grievances, illnesses, weaknesses, etc. She can have a sad mood. Ask the kid to bring you a rug or put your cup from under the tea on the table.
A three-year-old can already be very offended by the attitude of adults towards him, as if he were a child. It is this most appropriate age for, if it is not already done, to teach him greater independence. The missed moment will result in years of life with a spoiled, capricious and selfish despot, who seems to have the whole world spinning around him.
Often - from excessive love and care. We indulge every whim of a baby and we hasten to fulfill any of his whims. A toy for which a crumb will show a finger, the most tasty pieces, the fulfillment of any requests "give-bring." Of course, the baby enters the taste and "sits down on our neck."
The reasons for this behavior are several adults
- The desire to pamper the long-awaited heir ("the child" was given to me "not easily", "let him have everything that I was deprived of in my childhood").
- a feeling of guilt before the child, because we work a lot and do not pay due attention - "and the child should have a happy childhood." Trying to compensate for lack of affection by permissiveness, we allow a small member of the family to take a leadership position in communication.
- It's easier to solve everything at once than to explain each time why something is impossible: whatever the child may have fun, if only it does not cry. "Let the cartoons watch at least three hours in a row - during this time I will have time to do so much at home!" Sometimes it's easier to do everything for the kid by ourselves, because we have no time or, frankly, laziness to make efforts and demand fulfillment of simple rules from the child: "scattered All toys? I'll collect everything quickly, the son will take an hour for this, and we hurry for a walk. "
- With age, amusing whims can turn into unpleasant traits of character. In addition, by learning to manipulate adults, the child will continue to improve his ability to achieve what he wants at any cost.
Praise is expensive
Fearing to develop complexes in the child, we sometimes excessively "praise" our child, alone and in public. But it is very easy to cross the invisible border and instead of self-confident and self-reliant person to grow up an idle and self-love. To praise too it is necessary to be able. It is important to praise not only the child ("you have the best"), but also the result of his work ("I really like the picture you drew"). In this case, the child will grow up to be a self-sufficient person: he will not have complexes, that he is "loved for the result", while incentives to strive for this result will be enough.
End justifies the means?
Another mistake parents - an attempt to realize their own ambitions and desires in the child. So, having set ourselves the goal of growing a small genius, we are ready to liberate a beloved child from everything else, "distracting" from a given direction, for example, help with housework. If only my child would study perfectly, strive for Olympic records in the sports section, it became the second Mozart. But in response, the child throws lessons, training, scales, preferring to spend time in front of the TV or with friends. He himself is much more interesting than other forms of creativity, but we do not guess to ask him which ones - but only reproach us for selfishness and inattention.
Prepayment is inappropriate
Faced with the selfish unwillingness of a child to do something or follow certain rules, some parents try to interest the child financially: "learn the rhyme - you will get a chocolate bar", "brush your teeth - you will look cartoon". It does not matter whether the parents pay for the work done or help around the house with things or pleasures. In any case, this is a dangerous path. Soon the child without a "prepayment" and the step will not step, but the changes for the better in his character will not happen. After all, with pleasure and pleasure, a person is engaged only in the fact that he really is interested in what fascinates him. Work only "for the sake of something" does not bring creative satisfaction and is always carried out "from under the stick." It is important to interest the kid, instill in him enthusiasm in other, intangible ways. For example, turn a tedious and routine cleaning into a game.
Vaccination from selfishness
- Let the child take care of others. No matter how scary, do not shield him from communicating with a nursing brother or sister or discuss with him the opportunity to have a pet that he himself will look after. Expect that the load in this case was feasible: it is unlikely that a child, busy in the garden and mugs from morning till night, will be able to fully take care of the dog, with whom you must walk and play.
- Discuss with the kid not only his personal affairs, but also the affairs of his friends. This will make him pay attention to other people.
- Allow the child to make simple decisions and make choices. If a child gets used to, that parents always think and think for him, he grows into an infantile being with a lot of psychological problems, dependent on his mother and father until old age.
- Teach the child to lose. Do not warn the crumb of the wrong decision (of course, if it does not threaten his life) - let him learn from his own mistakes. Only after experiencing failure, he will learn to choose the ways that lead him to success.
- Help the child, but do not do the work for him. If he knows how to dress himself, but does it very long, especially in the mornings, when you are late for a kindergarten, - change the daily routine and get up early. Or teach you how to use the clock, so that the kid himself counts how much time he takes to dress.
Mom is also a man
Talk with your baby about your own feelings and experiences. Tell us that you are tired at work (be sure to explain why) and therefore can not fulfill this or that request of the child.
The kid does not need details, but he needs an understanding of the situation: the mother has the right to own experiences, grievances, illnesses, weaknesses, etc. She can have a sad mood. Ask the kid to bring you a rug or put your cup from under the tea on the table.
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